The Loneliness and Wonders of Single Life.

I’m not really lonely. But, it seems my eye has begun to wander. The very thing of it is, I’ve never had it wander so frequently. Never before have I met so many eligible bachelors😝. Maybe it is some type of like attracts like situation. I’ve always been awkward. There’s been self-esteem issues for as long as I can remember. And I wasn’t a happy person; certainly not a very positive being. In fact, quite the opposite. I would sit and dwell on those things that COULD go wrong. 

Why not? I’d seen more than my share of things going horribly wrong. I could write 20 books filled with the horrors of a childhood. I wouldn’t though, I suffered the consequences long enough, the aftershocks taking me to the age of 40. I see no reason to. Why would I go back and immerse my mind into the dark abyss that was my former life? I finally can breathe. At last, I am free of triggers. Once and for all, I have no regrets and zero enemies.  I’ve overcome my obstacles and am grateful for the excellent character building it caused. 

Of course, with all of that consuming 4 decades… I’m sure you can guess why I’m in fact single, and have been so for a while. It’s been much needed and actually very relieving. But the fact of that matter, remains, as damaged goods that hadn’t yet healed, I was a major player in a game called co-dependency. I got into these fail-fail relationships which consisted of broken men, and me.. a wretch of a soul, wounded and confused about relationships. I didn’t think I COULD do any better for myself, and I honestly didn’t believe there was a such thing as better, as it related to me. 

It’s changed. I’ve begun to actually admire men. I’ve met some guys, who really seem to be, well.. not half bad. And it’s not just looks. I’ve met a few who can rival me with conversation, sarcasm, and witty banter. Maybe I’ve just been in too many long-term relationships, because I don’t recall being this entertained or curious about not just one man, but several. It’s funny, because I am at a loss! I think I may be interested in a man, but then a day or two later, there is a different one that will pique my interest. So I’m just biding my time. My newfound being knows that when the time is right, it will all unfold as it should. No need to get impatient, or rush anything. 

Owning my SINGLENESS, keeps things in perspective for me. For one, I’m not willing to subject myself to another bad choice due to a history of ‘my bad taste in men’. I’ve come too far to risk my comfortable status in  life, for anything that is fleeting, or based on boredom. I’m going for the gold this time, I’ve got no more time to waste. I’d much rather continue doing my own thing; Who, What, When, Where, and Why.. However I like. . Any future dating I do will damn sure be icing on the cake. Not another game of who’s more damaged and needy, and just how long can we pretend the train wreck of a relationship is going anywhere? No thanks.
Taking a Breather

I may be a tad bit lonely, at times. But I’m secure. For the first time ever, I’m OK! Therefore, any person whom I allow to share my time, space and energy with cannot jeopardize that. In any way, shape or form. What a novel idea. Working on myself, then when I’m good, willing to wait until I find a companion that will complement my situation, rather than complicate it.
Seems pretty legit. Glad I finally got to this point. Makes me wonder why I see well adjusted people making the same mistakes I did? I guess we all fall for the bad guys/gals sometimes. Not me. No more. I can do bad all by myself!

  At this point, I’d rather be alone than compromise my Inner Peace for any person, place or thing. It’s about midnight, I worked late tonight, and I got an idea. This is personal, more like a journal entry I suppose. That’s what blogging is though, right? Writing off the cuff. Exposing insight and opinion for all to see.

Thanks for reading🦋

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